Dear Cate's Birthmother,
Your daughter turns four tomorrow. She is beautiful and strong and funny and smart. She loves to sing and act and shake her hips when she dances. She is curious and mischievous. She doesn't like cats, but she is trying. She loves to build forts and play house with her brother. She talks nonstop and says when she isn't talking, she can't breathe. She hates vegetables and loves candy. She sleeps all night in her bed and crawls out in the morning wearing only a diaper and her skunk slippers. She is the star of her swimming class. She is growing tall and lean. She won't wear anything with buttons and would rather be a pirate than a princess. She loves preschool and cozy things - her fleece top, her furry blankets, her pink monkey. She is passionate and stubborn. She is loved and healthy and thriving. She is my daughter too.
I think of you on this night, in these coming weeks, and I know with a mother's heart that you think of me too. Chances are great that we will never meet, never know each other in this lifetime, we two women who share a daughter. As she grows, she will beg to know about you. My heart breaks knowing I will never be able to tell her the answers to her questions - at least not in the way she will hope. Yet, in some ways, I will know you. I will know you from the way she flips her hair or holds her hand when she talks. I will know you in the all-encompassing smile that spreads from her lips and swallows her eyes. I will know you from her angry put or her love of acting. These things, I will tell her, just might be reflections of you.
And so I write this letter, in case we should ever meet. And in my heart, I send out this message to you - Your daughter is cherished and loved beyond belief. Tonight, she decorated our Christmas tree with her brother, her father and me. She ate gingerbread men and drank milk and asked is we could do this again and again. I read her a book and tucked her in bed. She is asleep, anxiously awaiting her birthday tomorrow. The house will fill with family and friends and we will celebrate her with great joy.
Thank you for this beautiful gift.
Jeannine
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2 comments:
You have it, Jeannine. You know. Cate is infinitely lucky to have you. Your words are things I have thought of many times as an adoptee, and as an adoptive mother.
Oh shit, Jeannine. You totally made me cry.
Lovely.
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